Sunday, November 28, 2010

"If You Give a Moose a Muffin" UPDATED for 2010

If you give a girl Grey Goose, she’s going to ask for a shot glass. When you give her a shot glass, she’s going to take shots. When she’s finished, she’s going to ask you to turn up the music. Then she will want to dance to make sure she has fun. When she starts dancing, she may get on top of a table. When she’s dancing on top of a table, she might get carried away and fall. When she’s done, she’ll probably need some help. You will have to help her up off of the floor. She’ll hold onto you, make herself comfortable, and stumble a few times. She’ll probably ask you to go to the bathroom. So you’ll take her to your bathroom, and she’ll ask you to hold her hair. When she is finished, she’ll get so excited that she’ll want to dance some more. She’ll ask you to dance with her. She’ll go right back to dancing. When she is finished, she’ll want to go to sleep. Then she’ll ask to use your bed. Which means she needs…your pillow. She’ll sit on your bed and realize that she’s not tired, so…she’ll ask for a shot glass. And chances are if she asks for a shot glass, she’s going to want Grey Goose with it. 
...yes I did make this.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was my friday night - children's book style. Ugh. 

....Although it was not grey goose [that shit is expensive]. Artistic license, okay?). 

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Don't Want to Sleep - Never, Ever, No.

Sleep is overrated. Also, the title of this blog sounds like an alternative band from 2005. "Don't Want to Sleep" by Never, Ever, No. I'm a weirdo..

Freaks and Geeks is a great show. It's on youtube. I don't like Lindsay Weir all that much. She's too sensitive and crazy for my liking. Sure, she embraces herself or whatever but she freaks out about things that are totally unnecessary. Maybe I subconsciously harbor jealousy towards her because she gets to be in a room with James Franco, Jason Segel, Martin Starr, John Daley and the rest of that fantastic cast ...That's probably it. Over a four day period, I watched all of the episodes. Toooo much time on my hands. I'm tired.  I'm going to draw.

P.s.- I'm officially in love with Matthew Gray Gubler. Take note, whoever designs heaven, that's who I want to end up with.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Location: Limbo

Hello. I realize I haven't posted in two months and I'm sorry. Ready? Set? Rant.

If you haven't cleverly noted that the title of this blog post is a reference to Inception then leave, now. Kidding. I don't discriminate cause it only generates hate. Ugh, I'm alluding to soo many things today, my cleverness is too much for me to handle. I apologize.
ITunes got a new makeover recently (or maybe not recently, I just never bothered to download ITunes 10 until a week ago).. I'm not sure if I like it. Ping? What is that. I don't like people knowing what music I listen to and what I'm a fan of. Or maybe I do? I mean, let's be honest, you recall any aspect of privacy you once thought you had when you create a blog or a facebook. It's embarrassing.
Besides that, it is October and Halloween is near. I love Halloween.. mostly because its just that amazing combo of fall and creepy. I love watching ghost shows/horror movies and breathing in decomposing leaves. Mmmmm.

Enjoy Halloween! It's fun.

Sidenote - Music you should listen to: These artists - Iron & Wine, Dispatch, Mumford and Sons, Local Natives, Dr. Dog, City and Colour, Broken Bells, The Morning Benders, Wolf Parade, The Avett Brothers, Grizzly Bear, and Atmosphere. Good bye and good luck!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Movie Review - Eat, Pray, Love

I DID like the cinematography, however.
I am actually ashamed at the caliber of films I have seen lately. Why did I see this glory of a Julia Roberts movie? Peer pressure, dammit. And James Franco. I am again ashamed of how easily I fall into the category of pathetic teenage girl. At least I don't like wolf/vampire Robert whatever his name is. (I actually do know what his name is but pretending I don't makes it seem more believable, although I haven't seen the movies or read the books so I am virtually in the dark, virtually).
When I heard it was called "Eat, Pray, Love" I thought to myself "Hey! I AM their demographic!" because I do 2/3 of the items in the title. However, I did not enjoy this movie all that much. Yes, I know, 2/2 of the movie reviews I have done on this blog have been negative, get over it.

The "love".
SPOILER ALERT. Julia Roberts is a lady in her 40's experiencing what can only be described as a mid life crisis (mm, sounds interesting, right?). She dates a guy far too young for her (but perfect for me. Enter, James Franco) after a semi nasty divorce from her hubby. So, after this relationship with this younger guy becomes tumultuous (oh, I really thought it was going to last!) she decides to take a trip to the places she's always wanted to go. She gets fat in Italy, meditates in India, and meets up with a medicine man in Bali and falls in love with some stranger. The Italy part was decent and made me hungry. The India part made me want to dive headfirst down the aisles of senior citizens with little regard for my life (it was senior citizen day in the theatre). That whole part is beyond boring. I understand that it's the "pray" portion of the conundrum but I would rather have seen "Eat and Love". I actually don't understand what went on other than the times she sat there and meditated. Have you ever watched someone meditate? You haven't? Well, you will have plenty of time doing that during this portion of the film. I understand it's supposed to be uplifting, but I would rather have uplifted my butt out of my chair and down the street.
The love part in Bali also confuses me. To put a long story short, she is riding her bike and a man almost crashes his car into her and then they fall in love. What?! Seriously? Also, he is some Brazilian guy or something that may have been attractive to the older women in the audience but, to be honest, I would have hightailed it on a plane to JFK back into the arms of James Franco. Whatever, they fall in love. She loses her fear over being in love. Bleh bleh bleh.
You be the judge. Maybe you'll relate with Julia Roberts and feel renewed and fulfilled by this film. I was not. I actually was repulsed that she would fly into the arms of some accented man that almost killed her, especially after she experienced all this independence in the countries she had been in.
Moral of the story: Keep eating, Julia, because the praying and the loving didn't do it for me.
I hope you all learned from this experience.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Movie Review - Charlie St. Cloud

One, why did I see this movie? Peer pressure .. and Zac Efron's blue eyes. Two, why did I continue watching this movie? .. Zac Efron's blue eyes. Three, what did I think? WELL. Just so you know, this will contain spoilers because I refuse to hold back. Pretty much the movie begins as you would expect, the cute younger brother is cute and you don't want him to die because that would be just so sad, wouldn't it? Well, since you obviously saw the trailer on your TV 45345 times a day, you know that he does indeed die (from a drunk driver). Zac (I forget his characters name... oh wait, Charlie St. Cloud) goes and sacrifices his future at Stanford *sigh* because he misses his brother and can't leave him. Aw, how cute. Five years after the accident, he oddly can see/talk with dead people. Unlike the Sixth Sense kid, he doesnt seem as perturbed. He plays catch every single day with his dead brother. Cause that makes sense.
Cute! He's playing catch with a dead kid!
Anyway, why do I bring up The Sixth Sense? Turns out, that girl in the trailer? Yeah, she's actually an apparition [like Bruce Willis]. She's dying because her boat crashed. She had been missing for three days. However, Zac doesn't know this and thinks shes real and has sex with her in a graveyard. Is Charlie St. Cloud a necrophiliac? Naw, she was only HALF dead! Zac discovers he'd been banging a half-dead ghost girl when he finds out her boat got wrecked. He's like "oh, better go find the real her before she actually dies". Dang, that Charlie kid had some serious problems. So, he finds her blah blah, magically she survives despite being unconscious and without food or water for three days.. Hey! I believe it! And, in the end, she half remembers their time in the graveyard, etc. and they fall in love. Charlie learns to let his brother go because "they'll always be brothers come hell or high water" *tear*. If I didn't mention, Zac cries in almost every scene.
Moral of the story - don't drive drunk. None of that stuff would've happened if that dang kid didn't die.
She's half-dead here.
Post sex in the graveyard.

As you can imagine, throughout the movie I mouthed "what the f" quite frequently. I am even more confused with this movie than I was with Inception. However, the song at the end credits was decent! I enjoyed that!

I hope you all learned something from this experience.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

There are bugs on my bed..

Hell yes, I rode this sucker. 6 times.
I'm pretty sure some kind of bug got into this condo and is residing near my head (correction- it's a fly, it just flew onto my iTouch). Please go away bug. It's midnight and I'm trying my hardest to sleep. Thanks for listening, you.
I like this whole blog thing, it's the only time when talking to yourself is okay. Okay, the bug just flew on my nose, you're teasing me buddy. Anyway, I'm in Virginia. It's hot. There are a lot of people. With accents. However, these are not cute southern drawls. The people I see frequent amusement parks and go there for the designated smoking areas (if that's not enough of a hint). No offense, South. I love Southern gentleman on horseback with roses, manners, and windswept hair, but I've had quite enough of the others you have to offer.
Anyway, it's probably me being negative but I've been here for three weeks and all I want is some excitement or some kind of outlet (not the store kind).
I literally just slapped myself because the fly was on my hand. Really?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Fame vs. Achievement.

In some intrinsic way, everyone has a desire to be known and recognized. I think people don't openly admit their desire to be famous, but in some way or another, society has condemned those who do not achieve recognition as purposeless.
I can safely say that my family has dealt with fame. If you didn't know, my dad was a famous chef back in the 80's or whatever, before I was born (and when I was young). His significance is more than just a few paragraphs on Wikipedia. He is my inspiration in a lot of ways.
My dad was running six different restaurants when I was 3, as well as appearing on various television programs. I hardly ever saw him. We had a Jamaican nanny for a while (until she took my brother to the park on a rainy day without telling my mom and disappeared for 4 hours), otherwise, my mom was at home with 3 children alone. She had dreams of becoming an artist, but, I'm afraid, motherhood clogged those dreams. Anyway, as my father was in the height of his fame, he saw his home life and decided he wanted none of it. He didn't want people knowing about his children or what he was doing, so he openly told the press to back off. They still pursued him for a while, even after we moved out of New York and into suburbia, but the press moved on eventually.
I think that shows how fame is. It's like that two-faced friend from middle school, it pretends it loves you, when, in fact, it was just looking for something to fill a hole for a brief moment. In life, I think achievement is worth fighting for, not fame. Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

More "Favorites".

This is more content from my favorites folder. I thought I would share. This is from :

Monday, May 3, 2010


If you didn't know yet, I made a website a while back called In it, I play Sam Johnson, a unisex individual that responds/creates advertisements on Craigslist. (there's some kind of animal lurking outside my window right now, I apologize, but I thought it was necessary to mention) Anyway, while that may be odd behavior for a 17 year old female to exhibit, I am indifferent to your opinion about what defines odd. (Bringing out the sass)

Why am I mentioning my craigslist journey? Well, my mother happened to go on my computer to log onto her yahoo account. There, she discovered that I was signed in as Sam Johnson. After horrifyingly discovering that I'm emailing people from craiglist, she called me upstairs, furious. Of course, I explained that it wasn't my email account and it was just a person who "thought they were funny" and that I would "educate them immediately about how stupid they were being".

Alas, my problems were quickly avoided. Sam Johnson prevails.

Someone said that if I had to be one of the Seven Dwarfs, I would be Dopey. I'm going to look up Dopey now and see how I feel about that.

Thank you kindly.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Narks 'n' Facebook.

I was at work last night (surprise, surprise) and it was annoyingly slow so I was lazily loitering near the bartender to pick up on bits and pieces of conversation. The musician that was appearing that night was taking a break and sitting on one of the barstools with beer and cell phone in hand. Suddenly, the musician started mentioning his brand new facebook account, and, taking me for a technologically-apt individual he pointed his questions at me. As I ran him through the process of friend requests and fan pages, he asked me what the point of friending someone was. I started using facebook on July 4th, 2007 (thanks to my ability to know useless facts, I actually know that exact date). I realized that I don't really talk to half of the people I'm "friends" with on facebook. In reality, if I passed some of these people, I probably wouldn't even wave. What the fuck. I'm very aware of awkwardness (because I live with it daily), and I just think the whole situation is awkward to the nth degree.

My town's police department has installed "narks" by making fake facebook accounts and friending all of the high schoolers so they can look through all of their pictures and spot illegal activity. I think high schoolers should learn a few crucial points to prevent any policeman from seeing incriminating evidence.

Here are a few lessons to be learned:

1. Do not take pictures of you and your friends holding Solo cups because you think it's something you can show your kids someday. It's not and it's also not as awesome as you think it looks.

2. Look for signs of a nark. Oh hey, his profile picture is a person skateboarding at a distance (hello google images) and his interests include "sk8ing wit mah homies XD". Yeah, no thanks.

3. If someone is friending you, don't be afraid of the ignore button. Think to yourself, have I ever shaken Eric Nico's hand? I know, I know, who shakes hands anymore? But think about it holistically, if you've seen their face and don't mind their personality, GO FOR IT otherwise, think twice.

That's all from me,

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I think I know what I'm doing

Alright, to prevent further confusion, I'm going to provide nostalgic snippets entitled "Epiphany - [Age]" about MY life and then all my other posts will be like I usually do, weird rants and things that make me laugh. I have a whole folder entitled "favorites" on my desktop, chock full of wonderful pictures. Let's stop by first.
Here are 5 of my favorites:

Epiphany contd. - Three Years Old

Location: Long Island, NY Age: Four

It was one of our last nights in the red roof house. My dad had finally gotten a break from work and took my mom out to dinner. We were left with one of our neighbor's eldest daughters. She was a witch. Her face held a cold, cruel stare and her eyes were as close to neon green as imaginable. Her hair was a raggedy black color and her nose was long and pointed. She sauntered with unrivaled confidence and intimidation, sporting black jeans and a harsh purple turtleneck. There was no comfort in her glare and we tried our best to ignore her. When we got overly loud, she looked our way and, suddenly, we couldn't find the courage to make a sound. When our parents got home, we looked to them with sheer relief. Then reality hit. The boxes lining our rooms were going to be packed into moving vans the next morning. I couldn't help but feel overwhelming sadness to leave our red roof home behind. I couldn't think of anywhere else to rest my head. We had to leave behind items that didn't fit in the boxes, like two giant teddy bears that used to occupy my room. I always wondered where they went after I placed them gingerly on my bare floor. My closest friend was a dark haired girl with striking grey eyes. On my final day of school, she gave me a Pocahontas book as a token of our friendship. I clutched onto it during the entire three hour drive to our new home.

Here I am as a three year old. I'm holding onto a Power Ranger action figure (the pink ranger is laid to rest beside me).

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Epiphany - Two Years Old

If you got too anxious and went right to reading this, I've had an epiphany. I revamped the blog. It's now "memoirs of a teenager". I feel that I have to give you what you deserve, snippets of my life. Like any good biographer, it's only fair to start at the beginning, I'll begin with my most vivid memories.

Location: Long Island, NY Age: Two

My big brother and I are called inside by my mom. Conor, like usual, grabs onto my hand and makes sure I make it up the long steps leading up to our house. I can feel a hint of sand gracing the steps, probably tracing back to Conor dragging our boogie board inside from a day at the beach. Our youngest brother has just awoken from his nap and we can't wait to play. I find myself in his bedroom, peeking over his crib, with the giraffe mural gracing his head. I never understood that mural or the cow sheets in his crib. Neither fit as a proper jungle scene. Conor is big enough to reach and places his strong, gentle hands underneath Corbin's shoulders. Corbin rises from his sheets, happy to be relieved of boredom. As we make our way outside, I put on my purple star sunglasses. I place one Ked on the pedal of my bike and pull my other leg to the other side. The three of us pretend we're motorcyclists. Our babysitters giggle at the cuteness of the scene, but I don't like their laughter. I take myself very seriously. The roof is bright red and I like it that way, especially against the white of the walls. We're different from our neighbors. They're grey, grey, grey, black, black, black.

WTF Japan, Seriously

Sorry for the profanity in the last post, i have no morals. Anyway, I've abbreviated what the f#$% in the title for you, you're welcome. Actually, I'm not a big fan of abbreviations, I think they're annoying. Let's be honest, are you really THAT lazy that you can't type out TWO MORE LETTERS for "you" instead of using "u". Is it that much more effort? No. Anyway, speaking of the title, it's this excellent website all about the weirdness of Japan advertisements, etc. called check it out. I'm bemused by it. Yes, bemused. Here's a little glimpse:

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Bon Iver.

I'll be upfront, I failed french. I hated it, didn't try, and came home with a wonderful F on my report card. But, the sweet sweet sounds of Bon Iver don't remind me of learning "bon hiver" in french class, instead, I am completely and utterly thrilled with every song Justin Vernon sings. As in my last post, for three days straight I have been listening to For Emma, Forever Ago and the Blood Bank EP on repeat. There's something about isolation that is so attractive. If you didn't know the story, Vernon spent weeks in seclusion in a cottage and out of it came the record For Emma, Forever Ago. Fuck yes. Henry Thoreau once wrote "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude". When Vernon was making his music, I believe he made this connection. For Emma, Forever Ago is a grand example of the greatness solitude brings. Whoever Emma is, thank you. You've provided me with some great music thats made me peaceful. I suggest you give it a listen.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Alfred Hitchcock.

I love Alfred Hitchcock, far beyond his funny name. For the past three days, I have been sitting in my room watching shows on Hulu with a big box of tissues. I love Al (my affectionate name for him), and I'm sitting here as we speak watching this episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents called "The Kind Waitress". There's something about his openings at the beginning that crack me up and remind me of .. a grandfather I never had. He's just so kindly and mysterious. Not to mention, some of my favorite movies ever are Al's movies. I love Daphne du Maurier and he's done both Rebecca and The Birds! Maybe its that and the fact that I have an odd love for MURDERRRRR. I feel like Al and I would've gotten along in real life. We could talk about.. death and other fun things. I mean, what else would you talk about with Alfred Hitchcock? ... definitely not flowers! Sitting here, I've realized a newfound dream to become the next Hitchcock. Now, I know that's something a lot of people whimsically wish for, but I'm pretty dedicated. Just wait! Now that I've thought it over, its probably the deliriums of fever but I don't care! When I wake up, I'll read this and reignite my dreams. Time to watch the conclusion.. I'm sure someone is going to die! Bye now!